I know people are out there writing books. I just read one by Sara Gran, called Dope, which ought to convince a lot of writers to just give up. As for me, I’m on the verge of going back to the law where I always felt semi-competent, but I’ve decided to put off the decision until after my next book arrives. If it’s an enormous hit and I sell rights in 47 languages and Dan Brown and Barry Manilow invite me for dinner, and Phillip Seymour Hoffman signs up to play me in the movie, I may rethink the issue.

But while it’s obvious writers are writing, I often wonder how anyone produces anything when there’s so many distractions. My cultural to do list (e.g., 15 movies I must see immediately, technologies I would like to understand, books I can’t die with out reading) is several pages long. And I just read an article about online movie sites like YouTube and others on which there are hundreds of hours of amateur video to watch. How am I supposed to come up with my own stories when there is so much fun stuff to do?

Plus, no matter how interesting you are or your book is, Bruce Willis blows you away. In between getting a bikini wax and lunching at Nobu, Willis made a statement–began a dialogue of sorts–that is so vastly more entertaining than anything you or I could have come up with that it doesn’t seem worth returning to your/my work.

I was writing. I swear it. I wrote a few paragraphs. I had an original idea or two. Then I took a break. That was a mistake.
One of my Hollywood sources reports that Bruce Willis said, in public, that Colombia is responsible for the drug problem in America. I don’t know exactly what he said because I only found out about it when Willis issued the following retraction to the New York Daily News, “I spoke to the Colombians. It's fine. I get passionate sometimes.”

I’m finished. Seriously. This is it for me. I have four books in print (or nearly so), perhaps three hundred thousand words, and I have never come close to writing or saying anything this remarkable. Anyone who can utter such a rich retraction is a genius. Tell me this doesn’t make you want to give up.

He accused a country of more than 44 million people (with 92 percent of households consuming iodized salt) of being responsible for our intractable love of dope. The country, Colombia, apparently heard the remark and objected–actually it was the president of the country who objected on behalf of the 44 million, calling Willis “ignorant” and “ungrateful.” And, I guess feeling bad about libeling Colombia, Willis spoke to the Colombians—on Colombian national television? To the president? Did they dine on iodized salt enriched food?—and, now, apparently, “it’s fine.”

Willis went on: “I said Colombia because it was the first country to come to mind. The drug problem has as much to do with what's going on in this country. If there wasn't a demand, there wouldn't be a supply.”

Well, true enough. But I’m stuck on Willis speaking to Colombia and concluding that all is well between the man and the land. Who says? How confidant can he really be that there isn’t a squad of Colombian hit-ladies arming themselves to the teeth, preparing an assault on his Malibu compound?

And while you couldn’t possibly sit through Die Hard 4 without concluding that Willis is, indeed, a passionate man, is that any excuse for such fighting words? Sometimes its frustrating not to be able to just get Willis on the phone. Bruce, if you're reading this, call me!

Meanwhile, I’m totally through for the day. Willis and his Colombia drug imbroglio have ruined any chance of my getting any work done.